


Bad Day

by subtropicalStenella



Series: SWR: PTAU [4]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst, Depression, Flashbacks, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Injury Recovery, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 01:32:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13823649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/subtropicalStenella/pseuds/subtropicalStenella
Summary: Ask from Rebels-PTAU blog:What was a minor incident that sent Kanan into a depressive episode?





	Bad Day

It was pretty much impossible to tell what sets Caleb off. On the one hand, a lot of stuff didn't seem to affect him. I swear it's like as soon as he signed the papers, a 500pg book of Dad Jokes was beamed directly into his brain, which meant things like Tarkin’s crack about Chopper being a “half-blind amputee” were usually answered with a grin and stuff like,

 

“Well that's one more than me on all counts, so it's better than nothing.”

 

if the person wasn't being an ass about it, like, well, Tarkin.

And things that  _ should  _ affect him, the bad shit, just… didn't. I mean sure, he had nightmares. Most times that just meant he slept on the couch so he wouldn't bother anyone, and he went out with Chopper in the morning no matter where he woke up. He used label-reading apps and adapted to audiobooks and a cane and meditated a lot since his therapy. 

 

And like, a couple weeks ago, Jai’s Mom hosted this  _ huge  _ block party, did an Authentic Hawaiian Luau ™ for the neighborhood with a pig roasted in a pit and everything. It was fine until the pig came out from under coals, and then the _smell_ hit.

It took me a second to recognize it, mostly because for me, the smell had been layered under hospital antiseptic. Caleb though… Caleb had gone completely still, what little color left in his face looking more sickly green than his usual warm-brown/perpetual tan. 

 

Yeah, turns out, chargrilled pork smells an awful lot like chargrilled human _face_.

 

He’d been fine after a while though. He and Hera had gone off to one side (with, I suspected, a bottle of the tequila that was supposed to be for margaritas (which made no sense at a luau (and Caleb probably shouldn't have, anyway)) because Jai's Mom was complaining about one being missing later.) for a while and then he was back sitting at the Dad Table complaining about the baseball game. (“Wait, how’d you…?” “I have a $1200 LED screen radio in my living room. You ever notice they still have announcers for sports? _There's a reason."_ ) Also complaining that Hera bought a new bikini and didn't, y'know, _show_ him, amirite guys? Totally fine. He didn't eat any of it, but then again neither did I. Kinda lost my appetite for it, and that left more room for ice cream.

But then two days later, I'm stumbling downstairs and there's a clattering splash, a lot of swearing, and then silence from the kitchen. I continue meandering down the hall, and halfway down there's a CRASH, so I fucking _book it_ the rest of the way. 

 

Caleb's sitting on the kitchen floor with his elbows on his knees, next to a puddle of coffee. The coffee  _cup_ is clear across the room in a thousand pieces. 

 

“You okay?”

“I'm fine.”

 

Uh… bullshit.

 

“You want some help?”

He fists his hands on his knees when he answers, in a rough, ugly snarl I haven't heard since we… y’know, got out.

“I. Am. Fine.” 

 

And I just… backed away slow. 

 

I didn't hear him actually get up to start cleaning for like, an _hour,_ and then he just went back to bed. Chopper stayed with him all day. Fucking weird, right? Overreact much?

 

I mentioned it to Sabine and she just looked at me like I was an idiot. 

 

Hera had sort of sighed, when she got home, and said it wasn't about the coffee, the coffee had just been the last straw. Last straw of  _what?_

  
I'm starting to think recovery is even harder than I thought.


End file.
